The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster
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| The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster |
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 First edition cover – designed to look like a hardback |
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| Author | Bobby Henderson |
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| Country | United States |
| Language | English |
| Genre(s) | Holy text, Satire |
| Publisher | Villard Books |
| Publication date | 28 March 2006 |
| Media type | print (paperback) |
| Pages | 192 pp |
| ISBN | 0-8129-7656-8 |
The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster, which includes the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn't"s, is a text written by Bobby Henderson that is considered to embody the main beliefs of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (FSM), a religion created as a counter to Intelligent Design (ID).
Contents |
[edit] Captain Mosey and the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
While brooding atop Mount Salsa because he couldn't find a pirate ship, Mosey the Pirate captain (a parody of Moses) received some advice from the Flying Spaghetti Monster in the form of ten stone tablets. These were called the "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" by the FSM, the "Commandments" by Mosey, and the "Condiments" by his Pirate gang. While there were originally ten "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts", two were dropped on the way back down the mountain, with eight remaining. This event "partly accounts for Pastafarians' flimsy moral standards." The FSM's commandments address the treatment of people of other faiths, worship of the FSM, sexual conduct, and nutrition. The morals and standards expressed by the Flying Spaghetti Monster, the deity of pastafarians, supposedly said that the simple language of the Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts" makes them easy to understand for anyone while still maintaining an accurate portrayal of the beliefs and values he'd like his followers to keep in mind.
[edit] The Eight "I'd Really Rather You Didn'ts"
- I'd really rather you didn't act like a sanctimonious holier-than-thou ass when describing my noodly goodness. If some people don't believe in me, that's okay. Really, I'm not that vain. Besides, this isn't about them so don't change the subject.
- I'd really rather you didn't use my existence as a means to oppress, subjugate, punish, eviscerate, and/or, you know, be mean to others. I don't require sacrifices, and purity is for drinking water, not people.
- I'd really rather you didn't judge people for the way they look, or how they dress, or the way they talk, or, well, just play nice, okay? Oh, and get this into your thick heads: woman = person. man = person. Samey = Samey. One is not better than the other, unless we're talking about fashion and I'm sorry, but I gave that to women and some guys who know the difference between teal and fuchsia.
- I'd really rather you didn't indulge in conduct that offends yourself, or your willing, consenting partner of legal age AND mental maturity. As for anyone who might object, I think the expression is "go fuck yourself," unless they find that offensive in which case they can turn off the TV for once and go on a walk for a change.
- I'd really rather you didn't challenge the bigoted, misogynistic, hateful ideas of others on an empty stomach. Eat, then go after the bitches.
- I'd really rather you didn't build multi-million dollar synagogues / churches / temples / mosques / shrines to my noodly goodness when the money could be better spent (take your pick):
- Ending poverty
- Curing diseases
- Living in peace, loving with passion, and lowering the cost of cable
- I'd really rather you didn't go around telling people I talk to you. You're not that interesting. Get over yourself. And I told you to love your fellow man, can't you take a hint?
- I'd really rather you didn't do unto others as you would have them do unto you if you are into, um, stuff that uses a lot of leather/lubricant/vaseline. If the other person is into it, however (pursuant to #4), then have at it, take pictures, and for the love of Mike, wear a CONDOM! Honestly, it's a piece of rubber. If I didn't want it to feel good when you did it I would have added spikes, or something.
[edit] Unintelligent Design
In the chapter "An Alternate Vision", the suggestion of "Unintelligent Design" is proposed. The argument is that because of all the problems in the world, the Flying Spaghetti Monster must have been drunk, careless, etc. when he first created life. A list of ten examples is given to support this, including such things as disco music, Jar Jar Binks, and the decline of passenger pigeons due to the popular McPidgin Sandwich sold at McDonald's.
Schneider and Frederick have recently proposed the first scientific proof of "Unintelligent Design" by claiming that the insertion of species Penne rigate into family Rigatone, order Pasta resulted in the creation of a new species of Noodleous doubleous. Schneider considered the only explanation is that this was caused by the holy Flying Spaghetti Monster, whose "noodly appendage intervened".
[edit] Further reading
- Bobby Henderson. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. (2006). ISBN 0-8129-7656-8
- This version has a white cover showing a hardcover version with ribbon, the UK hardcover edition from HarperCollins later used the depicted design.
- Bobby Henderson. The Gospel of the Flying Spaghetti Monster (hardcover). (2006). ISBN 0-00-723160-1
